She's CSE soujourn!

She was a little girl from a small city. She was  small in size but had big dreams in her eyes…..She was introvert and happy in her own sweet world. Her life oscillated between the school and the home. For her   this  was the meaning of LIFE and she was pretty happy with small yet beautiful things in it..be it discussing about a fellow classmate, sharing tiffin and at times chocolates…for her the teachers of school were the ideal…to whom she looked upto …..However, whenever she heard about big cities like New Delhi, London et al  …she was drifted in her own world of beliefs…in spite of the fact that she had been to some of these cities ..but her perception was very different…she would paint her own beautiful picture about the same…Tall high rise buildings, heavy traffic and smart people. She saw her city as opposed to this a very small, serene place where you could enjoy true niceties of life. As a little girl she could not understand the” paradox of cities “…It was not her fault ..she was just a small little girl. She tried to find the simplicity in life but very often failed in doing so… The true turning point came in her  life when she was a  secondary school student , she was introduced to the world of Civil Services Examination…That day,she had accompanied her parents to a book stall to purchase a “DISNEY COMIC” for herself but in stead she was fascinated by the cover picture of a CSE topper in one of the competitive magazines…the curious side of little “She” made her ask numerous questions about the same from her parents and finally ended up with a hard copy of the same magazine….she could not comprehend a single word of the magazine ….just the word IAS topper echoed in her mind!!!!!She was thus introduced to the world of CSE……Times flied by and whenever in class teachers asked “SHE” what does she want to be when she grows up….her confident reply would be “Mam, I will be an IAS Officer”…hardly knowing what IAS is all about….One day she saw a yellow light ambassador car  and was fascinated by it…curious SHE could not resist her temptations and in stead as usual asked about whose car was that….someone told her its “DC sahaab’s car” ……those three words made her ponder who DC sahaab was…and finally as a high school student she got to study about Civil services, IAS/IPS/IFS in her civics classes and her curiosity finally got its fodder…..She was now fascinated by the services and slowly started appreciating the beauty of the same …She became passionate about it and was determined to carve a niche for herself one day. Her parents started moulding her in a way that sooner or later she is definitely going to be an IAS…. But for a small city SHE ..it was definitely a big decision…..all her friends asked her to take a safe route to career…she however decided to take that holy dip of CSE no matter what!!!!!She then passed out of school and entered college….here “she” was bewildered to see how everyone was busy enjoying their college life while SHE was busy slogging day in and day out because most of the people had told her that SHE can compete in UPSC examinations only if she goes to delhi( and for that she needed to compete in certain entrance examination)….She studied like mad literally..often forgetting when she entered the college and when she left…She was living her first passion ….Economics and she did not care about the world…She was determined to make it to top universities in Delhi and shift there to start with her true sojourn of CSE……But it seemed destiny had some other plans for her….She in spite of her serious efforts could not get through any of the competitive exams …In spite of the fact that she was a topper all throughout her graduation days…She was disheartened…the gold medal was of no use!!!!Suddenly , she remembered that she had also filled a form for LSE….In fact her dad had made her fill the form and fulfill all the relevant formalities (which she did half heartedly as she was quite confident at that point in time that of all places and universities in the world …a university of the stature of LSE would hardly care to entertain a student from a non descript university of India !!!!) But she decided THAT DAY to check her email account and  browse internet for some other Masters in Economics opportunity…..BUT God had a plan for her……Her email account had an inbox message which was one month old and which said “LSE is happy to confer an unconditional admission to you in MSc.Economic History course”!!!!!!She literally jumped out of her chair….she did not know what happened at that very fraction of second…..life is definitely strange.She was soon in London…Quite naturally , she was in a different world, different culture!!! From a small non descript city She was suddenly a part of one of the world’s most cosmopolitan city -staying in a University hostel …she slowly became part of LSE student life…But “She” was “ She”….One day she got to know that Amartya sen was going to visit the university at 3pm that day….from the time she started appreciating “E” of Economics ..Amartya sen was her ideal…she would purchase Sen’s collection of books..even if that meant  spending huge amount and pre-booking!!!! She decided to meet her IDEAL and for that she went and stood before the conference hall from 9am onwards in spite of the fact that it was snowing badly and the event was to start at 3pm..!!!!She had a roller coaster ride in London, learnt a lot , got an opportunity to appreciate the nuances of world life …..she was a good student there as well and ended up with distinction in some of her papers….With a good academic score , she was soon flooded with Phd and job offers …She was confused, amazed and bewildered!!!!!She as any other person of her age was attracted towards these options…..she decided to consult her parents but she was told that it was she herself who will have to take the final call and she will get unconditional moral and emotional support for that..She spent a whole night thinking about it……It was then that the same competitive magazine that she got as a secondary school student with CSE topper interview….came to her rescue….her dreams were in front of her…she decided to give back to the nation and do her bit for it….very next morning she took THE DECISION and rejected all offers ….While flying back to India, she was full of emotions…she was the only one from her batch who was flying back to his/her country….but she was determined to ‘chase her dreams”….She was determined to serve her people ….today she was coming back to give and try her best..It was indeed tough for small “SHE”…As soon as she landed in New delhi , she went straight to Old Rajinder Nagar(the epicenter of CSE preparation)….She however, was very dependent on self study and she was not that comfortable with the way things were there in stead…so she decided to come back to her same small city from where she started the journey and give her best…when she came back..she faced several adversities..the London overhang , the desperation and determination to chase one’s dream, the incessant sayings all around that “yaha se padh kar koi kabhi nahi kar paaya hain “, the confidence and hidden aspiration in parents and grandparents eyes,the fact that her fellow classmates are now top shot economists, doctors and professionals….Ahhh!!! her mind was indeed in turmoil …and she finally decided to brush aside all these and do what she can….she started her preparations whole heartedly…she decided to try her best..no matter what….and finally on May 11,2011 …her first CSE result came ..she was AIR 640…everyone around her was so happy ..yet she was devastated..she was sad …..she had very high expectations from herself …her relatives started flocking at her place but she was stoned…she could not sense anything….she decided that as a punishment she would take up a job assignment of lecturer in Nigeria…she even mailed the concerned university..she decided to run away from everything. It was then that her parents stood by her as her foundations…they made her believe that “SHE CAN INDEED MAKE IT “…she just need to be back to studies!!!!it was just twenty days for the next Prelims and it was a completely new pattern which was being introduced for the very first time. She was however now determined that she will give her 100% this time and then see what happens!!!!Prelims passed away nicely and very soon after that she was back to her study table …….determined to carve her niche this time…..she indeed tried her level best and in the process she could pinpoint that she had  indeed faltered in her efforts in the first attempt. In the process her health deteriorated…she did not care for that…she was on “sattu” diet for whole month of exams …she still did not care for that as ell and finally  she passed the mains exam.Her interview went on nicely and she was expecting to make it to the list with some rank improvement. But again God had a plan for her! On 4th May,2012-2:38pm …she was informed that she indeed is an IAS officer !!!!!she was silent, full of emotions ..she did not know what had happened ….before she could think anything..she was flooded with TV interviews…that night she just prayed to God …”thank you God for taking me to a destination from where the real journey begins….give me the courage and the confidence that I can whole heartedly do justice to my service..Thank you”.

(She's in heading may seem odd...but i used it intentionally as i earnestly wish that this SHE here (me) is soon replaced by several SHE's  like me)